Alex' Girls
by Polly83
Summary: Alex' thoughts about the women that changed his life.


**This has been written for a fanfiction challenge. Reflection about how each person in his life is important because changed something of him too. Set a few years in the future.**

**Alex'**** girls**

_He was sitting on a rocking chair, and there were kids everywhere around him. He was telling them a fairy tale, and they were all waiting impatiently for his next words. They were all happy, and this made him feel happy too. _

_He had exactly what he had wished for all his life… a large family, a comfortable house, children and grandchildren all around… and, most of all, he loved his family and his family loved him_.

_He moved his head to give another look around and saw her leaning on the doorpost, looking at him with undying love. She had promised to stand beside him for all their lives, and she had kept her promise. _

Then he started to wake up. It was just a dream… like every other time. It was not true. He would have never had lots of kids and grandkids running around the place… He had known that from a while now, but this dream didn't stop. Instead he was having it more frequently.

Probably it was worst now because Stevie was gone… even if she was just gone to Adelaide for a few days helping Rose with marriage stuff…

The dream he kept having made him think about his life, and the women who had influenced it. He would have definitely been a different person now if it weren't for the women of his life and in his life…

Each of them meant a first time for him… a new step in his walk.

The first, and still probably the most important for him was **Claire**. She had been his best friend for fifteen years, and just afterwards he had realized she was the woman he would spend the rest of his life with. Claire had given a sense to his life, had made him feel complete and truly content. He had found out what being happy meant.

He wanted to start a family with her, a big family; with Claire, Charlotte and the kids they would have had. He didn't know how, but he was sure that with her he could have all this and even more.

Definitely Claire had changed him. She had helped him becoming a better person. He had always considered her as the better of the two, and their continuous banters and bets made him try his best. Not just to beat her, but, most important, to stand beside her, to be with her… like her… even to deserve her, in a certain way…

He had had a lot of girlfriends sooner than Claire, but back then he didn't want involvements, and he looked for girls that didn't require any involvement. But this was before realizing he truthfully loved his best friend, and wanted a family with her. That he, Alex Ryan, wanted a family.

After Claire's death he had felt awful. Part of him was gone with her. And, when Tess had left Charlotte with Peter, he felt like he was losing another part of him. But this wasn't entirely true, and he knew it now… Because he felt different after loving them… he was different… he was a lot more aware of his own feelings, of his own heart. And of the pain he felt…

At the present he knew that Claire was always with him, because she had changed him. He had fallen head over heels for her, he would have catched the moon for her if he could. And undoubtedly he wanted to raise Charlotte with her… he wanted to be part of Claire's life, of every bit of Claire's life. He really loved Charlotte as his own flesh and blood… and this unconditional love for a little child had made him grown, had made him love this kind of responsibility. For the first time, he had felt like a Dad and experienced a fatherly bond. And for more than a couple of hours, the time he had spent with little Roger.

Luckily **Charlotte** was still a part of his life, the only part of Claire he still had, even if he couldn't consider her as his daughter anymore… He still got to see her quite frequently, he had seen her grow, but at distance. He was just her godfather, she was Peter's daughter, not his, but still he felt there was a tie bonding them together, and somehow Charlotte felt it too, he was sure of it. She was always so glad to see him, and this made him beaming with pride and joy. She would ever be his little girl… the only girl he had seen growing after all…

He had experienced for the first time how much he had changed after Claire's incident meeting **Jasmine** McLeod, her cousin. He didn't know if he was ready for another relationship yet, but he knew he would have been. With her, for the first time after having his heart broken, he had felt like trying again and live his own life. She was a McLeod after all… and McLeod's were always worthy…

She had left after a couple of days, but Jaz had made him know himself another bit more. He knew that he was still able to try, that he would rather hit his head against a rock than miss another chance. He was still able to open his heart.

And then there was **Fiona**… A jump into the dark for him, but he was alone, and angry…

At home he felt like no one cared if he was there or not… It wasn't true, but still he felt like a lion in a cage… he couldn't stay anymore… He didn't have a real family there after all… at least not the family he wanted…

He made sure that she knew what he wanted asking her to marry him straight away, just a few hours after their first meeting… It was crazy, he was aware of it, but the thing that scared him the most was losing precious time, like he had done with Claire.

For the whole time they had been married he was blinded by love, or maybe just blind. He desperately wanted, needed to trust her. He needed to believe they could live happily ever after… But his dream soon had bursted like a bubble of soap. Too many lies had made impossible for him to live with her, ignoring the fact that she wasn't the woman he wanted by his side…

Fiona and him were too different to be compared. But he was her husband. For the first time he was a husband. And he had tried his best to be a good husband… even if with little success.

Less than a year after his marriage with Fiona he had married **Stevie**. Probably the whole thing with Stevie had started because he wanted to recreate the situation he had had with Claire, a relationship that went beyond friendship and beyond just physical attraction. He knew that Stevie loved him and wasn't going to lie to him or betray him like Fiona had done. They didn't need time to get engaged after they finally got together, because they already knew each other, ins and outs. Or so he thought.

Stevie was his best friend, like Claire had been. She was a safe bet. He wanted everything and he wanted to give her everything. Just as it was with Claire, who had been his everything. But it wasn't the same. Life hadn't been perfect after his second marriage, nonetheless good. But still it wasn't the same. It wasn't like he had expected it to be… Not better or worst, just different.

He had missed for years a kid, one that would have been his own flesh and blood, and nobody could ever take away from him. But it wasn't coming… despite his prays and wishes.

He had never been a Dad, but he was becoming a sort of Granddad anyway, now that Rose was pregnant. She was still so young… but they were in love, and had decided to marry. Stevie's sister Michelle and her husband hadn't been so happy… At first they were even angry with him and Stevie for 'not taking enough care of her'. Alex didn't know if they were right. Just time could tell. In the meantime he and Stevie had given the young couple all their support and help, for their newly formed family.

It seemed like yesterday that **Rose** had first started living at Killarney, with him and Stevie, after their marriage. She was a teen back then, ready to get angry for every little thing… not so easy to deal with… But soon she had found out that living there could be fun.

He remembered Rose practicing for her first real dance in town… He had spotted her in the Killarney sitting room, trying to use a broom as her partner, and had kept standing there for a while before make his presence noticed.

"It reminds me of Harry's wig… bloody scary!" he had said then, startling her, but afterwards both had ended up laughing like crazy.

Once again he had started loving a girl just because she was the daughter of the woman he loved… And this had been his only way to help raising a child so far.

He had been married for a few years by now… but no kids had arrived, and he was quite sure it was not going to happen in the future.

But it was okay… In the end he could become a granddad anyway, thanks to Rose, and maybe in ten years Charlotte too would have had a kid, another 'sort of' grandkid for him…

Alex was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the doorbell ringing. He opened the door without thinking and smiled at the sight in front of him.

"G'day stranger, who have I the pleasure to see at my door,"

"Hey! I live here… care to tell me who you are?" she asked back, openly smirking. It was a joke they had often had when one of them was away for a few days. It was one of their household habits by now… like having a barbie at every good sale they get.

"I happen to be the boss here, so… you have to pay me off to come in…" he replied as per usual.

"I have to, don't I?"

This banter was interrupted by Rose, who was tired of waiting at the door. "Hi Alex! I'm sure you felt miserable without us, uh? I found the perfect dress by the way… and I love trains!"

"Trains?!?!" he exclaimed, a bit confused about what the girl was blabbing about.

"Yeah, she saw some toy trains in a shop next to the bridal one, and she loved it. As a result, now she's sure she's having a boy, so she decided she absolutely had to buy one of these…" Stevie explained.

"Oh, then I completely agree with you Rose!"

The girl nodded distractedly at him, in the meantime taking the box with the train in the baby's room, and Stevie sighed, rolling her eyes. Her husband and daughter were just like teens… and in a few months there would have been also a baby in the house… They would have driven her crazy…

Alex knew what Stevie was thinking, he always did. Maybe not always… he just pretended most of the time, but he knew her well enough by now.

The last years with Stevie had been good, especially when Rose started living with them permanently.

But these days he couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different marrying Claire… or anyone else… if he would have been a different person.

What if Claire hadn't died; or if Jasmine would have stayed; or even if things with Fiona would have worked?

Every woman in his life had changed him. Be it a little bit or a lot, one way or another, but surely enough, each of them held a particular space in his memory and in his heart.

He owed each of them a part of what he was at the present.

**Hope you liked it. If you did or did not, let me know.**


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